Freedom Ritual for Change
Routines can become something you put off as boring or mechanical. Instead, bring intention and self-awareness with Rituals. Words are powerful, and this simple shift adds a lot more freedom and presence to a regular and stable action.
Our brain favours auto-pilot actions and decisions, at it saves energy. Changing what you do in auto-pilot will require you to invest energy: look for ways to make it easy for yourself.
One common way to get maximum leverage from your energy investment is to focus change on morning and evening actions, as they have a magnified impact on the rest of our day or night. It can also help avoid the stress of an over-regimented, over-controlled life.
To find ideas for a morning or an evening ritual, it is helpful to start with ourselves and our vision. What do I need or want? What actions can get me closer to become my future version of me? What actions would have a compound effect towards my vision? Answers are different and unique to each of us.
Mornings can serve to put first things first, so whatever happens next, you’re covered. That includes first and foremost checking in with yourself. For me, mornings are about physical health (drinking plenty of fluids, eating a nutritious and delicious breakfast, taking a good shower and brushing my teeth, moisturising my face and body, moving my body) and mental health (building mind power with cold showers, sharpening it with sudoku, turning it off with meditation, planning).
Evenings manifest the end of a productive day and set the stage for rest and recovery, with reduced mental load or stress and anxiety levels. That doesn’t include screens, which are rather building them up. For me, evenings are about putting work away (reflecting on what worked/what didn’t during the day, delegating work to others or my future self and dodging the work that creeps back in) and surrendering to heart-centric pleasurable activities (eating a nice family meal, nurturing gratitude, cleaning my face and teeth, connecting with kids, friends or partner).
Beware of military style silver-bullet mornings solutions (e.g. 5am wake up or 2h long of checking boxes) as they may flame up perfectionism and you may end up serving them, rather than them serving you. Notice when you’re judging yourself, adopting a performative stance or bending the neck in front of a “should”. Instead, take a deep breath and connect with yourself, with the simple 3 questions of step 4. Remind yourself, you are the master - not your “habits”.
Use baby steps to invite new habits into your life, like dating. Best to pick one at a time, simple and easy. Create success conditions and a favourable environment. Get to know it, checking in with your feelings and identifying the benefits it brings to your life. Take time and make space for conscious commitment, feeling when the habit gives you pleasure or makes you proud, valuing how far you have come and celebrating yourself. When it is grounded, then repeat to build up.
You have full freedom to spend your energy and time however you please and decide. Freedom to pivot when your needs, wants and possibilities evolve. To sustain change we have to incarnate it, to become it. It is essential we stay connected to what’s real and present in our current reality and to what’s alive and attractive in our desired reality, so that we consciously pave a non-violent and stable bridge between the two, even when they shift.
You are not your brain. Your thoughts don’t define you. The brain is a super computer, that we can use to program habits and rituals, but it is just that: a tool, a mega calculator. We also get to turn it “off”. To embody change, stay connected to yourself in all your facets: desires, intuition, emotions, energy, instincts, inspiration… all of these contain information that is so much more powerful that the brain to guide yourself and your actions. Know and love yourself.
